![]() We’re not compatible,” says Raskin, as opposed to assuming, “I’m a piece of shit because they don’t like me back.” Raskin suggests writing a list of what you’re looking for in a relationship, and to not just separate the qualities into “must-haves” vs. It’s about realizing, “Oh, this person doesn’t want to be with me in the way I want to be with them. Liking and knowing yourself can also help you realize that you’re simply not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. You’re not compatible with everyone, so stop blaming yourself (and your mental health). (There’s a difference, for instance, between thinking “Why is my partner’s laugh so annoying?” and “I don’t like the way they talk about my family.”) This also necessitates slowing down and listening to the nature of your anxious or obsessive thoughts, and determining whether they’re rational. “If you have a good sense of yourself, it’s easier to date in a more productive way.”ĭiscovering who you are underneath your symptoms allows you to actually like and appreciate yourself and see the value you bring as a partner. “Know what your triggers are, what your vulnerabilities are, what situations bring out your symptoms more than others,” Raskin says. This is easier said than done, but it’s crucial in order to maintain enough self-esteem while dating. In other words, don’t be too hard on yourself when your disorder flares up. Throughout the book, Raskin stresses the importance of separating the core of who you are from the behaviors your disorder can provoke. Learn to distinguish between you and your disorder. ![]()
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